Every language is a means of communication between people. Love language has the same purpose, but is specifically used as a means of expressing love to your partner.
It’s mind-blowing that nobody teaches love languages at schools. You learn about different subjects to get a good grade to attend a prestigious university or college, you pay for special courses to get your dream job, but do you study anything before you start a romantic relationship? Of course, there is a small percentage of people who have read various love books.
Yet, the majority of us find partners, date them, and face misunderstandings, frustration, and miscommunication. This can lead to breakups, divorces, or in the worst-case scenario, continuing to live with a person you no longer feel happy with.
Therefore, learning love languages is essential for building healthy and sustainable relationships.
“What is my love language?” If you have ever asked yourself this question, then you’ve come to the right place. Read this article to discover the 5 love languages and their primary role in your future relationships.
What Are The 5 Love Language Types?
Gary Chapman, a famous counselor and author of 5 Love Languages, shared his personal relationship experience with his wife Karolyn. One day, Karolyn highlighted that words of affection didn’t matter to her particularly much. Instead, she said that she felt especially loved when her husband performed some acts of service. She noted that the best way for him to express his love was by genuinely helping her with the chores.
Conversely, Gary realized that he enjoyed it when his wife gave him nice compliments. So, his personal experience and counseling with patients prompted him to write The 5 Love Languages in 1992 (3).
Here are the different types of love language:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
Words of Affirmation
You express your love to your partner through spoken affirmations words, praise, or appreciation. For example, if your partner has cooked something delicious for you, you can give them a compliment about the food. There are several positive affirmations for women and men who feel better when their loved ones tell them “I love you”, “you make me feel so good”, or “I feel safe with you”.
Quality time is about doing a lot of things together with your loved one. Instead of staring at your phones as you lie on the couch, you can cuddle and talk to each other. You can take up new hobbies together or spend time outside in nature. Attention is crucial.
Physical touch is about expressing your love through touching. And no, this is not only about sex. Your partner may feel loved when you hold hands as you stroll in the park, give each other massages, or dance to jazz music. Your partner needs to feel your presence physically and a simple cuddle can make them content.
Acts of Service
Acts of service are nice things you do for your partner to make them feel appreciated and loved. These are often things your partner does not enjoy at all, such as:
- running errands
- doing the dishes
- taking out the trash
Your partner will notice these acts of service and appreciate everything you do for them.
With this love language, gift-giving is the main act of affection. They will treasure both the gift and the time and effort that was put into it. When you choose a present for someone, it shows how much you know a person. It doesn’t necessarily have to be anything lavish and the most important thing is that the gift coincides with the real needs and desires of the recipient.
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How Do I Know What Wy Language of Love Is?
You can do two things to understand your love language. Firstly, you must determine when you feel mostly loved by your partner:
- When they tell you, “I love you,” or give you a nice compliment
- When they plan a trip just for the two of you
- When they hold your hand while you’re walking
- When they run errands or do the dishes for you
- When they surprise you with a meaningful gift
Choosing one of the options will give you a much clearer idea of what your love language may be. Generally, of all the above options, there will be one specific variant that makes you feel particularly content.
Secondly, GarIt is possible that your love language and that of your partner may differ. This is why figuring it out, particularly at the start of a relationship may help you build a real connection and mutual understanding of each other’s needs and desires.
Which Love Language Is Most Common?
The most common and appreciated love language is quality time. It is no surprise that we all need to feel a connection with our partner and the best way to do this is by spending time together.
Spending time together helps you both get to know each other. This love language helps you become closer through sincere conversations, shared ideas, or hobbies together. You can learn each other’s desires and pet peeves.
One of the most common causes of relationship failure is miscommunication or untold expectations of your partner.
Therefore, exploring yourself and your partner is essential. The best way to become a good match for your future partner is to take good care of your mental and physical health. In this case, a self-care checklist can have a positive impact on your lifestyle, and this may benefit your present or future romantic relationships.
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Why Should I Know My Love Language?
Are you skeptical about the concept of love languages? If you are, that is no problem and you are perfectly entitled to think this way. However, another part of you may still be wondering why different types of love language are important and how they can benefit your relationships. Let’s break it down:
- Love languages make you more empathic. You now have a clear idea of what makes your partner truly content and happy. You empathize with them and realize their needs. There is no room for mystery or incorrect interpretation. Everything becomes clear, which leads to healthy communication and mutual respect.
- Love languages aid personal growth. Focusing on someone or something other than yourself leads to personal growth. You change by making different choices and stepping outside your comfort zone sometimes.
- Love languages make couples more satisfied. In 2022, researchers at the University of Warsaw recruited 100 couples between the ages of 17 and 58 and asked them to rank their preferences out of five love languages and relationship satisfaction. The results found that couples who expressed love in the way their partners preferred it reported greater relationship satisfaction (1).
In addition to these points, it is important to understand that the more you know your top love language, the more you will recognize your dating preferences and the ways you see your relationship.
Unfortunately, people sometimes jump from one relationship to another without analyzing what their previous partners lacked. This can happen because they’re either scared to be alone or they simply don’t know how to educate themselves properly.
However, it is important that we educate ourselves, particularly before embarking on a dating journey with a new person. This can be a magnificent experience for everyone who is ready to contribute time and energy and exchange healthy communication.
Are love languages real?
Love languages are common among people and they may be beneficial for many couples. However, relatively few studies have successfully demonstrated the positive effects of love languages on relationships. In addition, the original model perpetuates heteronormativity and may lead to the misuse of love languages.
Can I have my own love language?
Yes, you can. All you need to do is figure out your needs and preferences in relationships. Different forms of self-care and personal development are primary factors that will lead to your self-discovery. You should also consider your feelings: what exactly makes you happy, and what makes you angry or frustrated? You should make little notes and share them with your beloved partner.
What is a rare love language?
Acts of service is a rare love language. The reason for this could be selfishness, strong egos, or miscommunication. However, acts of service are vital as they demonstrate your compassion and empathy toward the person you love.
The Bottom Line
Hopefully, the question “What is my love language?” has now been answered for you. It is the way people express affection towards their beloved partners.
There are 5 types of love language: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.
The most common is quality time and the least common is acts of service. It is important to know your love language as this can promote personal growth, make you more satisfied in your relationship, and lead to you becoming more empathic. To learn your language, you can take a 30-question quiz.
This article is intended for general informational purposes only and does not address individual circumstances. It is not a substitute for professional advice or help and should not be relied on to make decisions of any kind. Any action you take upon the information presented in this article is strictly at your own risk and responsibility!
- I love the way you love me: Responding to partner’s love language preferences boosts satisfaction in romantic heterosexual couples (2022, plos.org)
- The Love Language® Quiz (2023, 5lovelanguages.com)
- The Sixth Love Language Does Not Exist (2022, nytimes.com)