Let’s talk about a sensitive question that’s on many people’s minds: ‘Am I doing things right in the bedroom?’ Let’s be real: it shouldn’t only be just about our own pleasure and many of us genuinely care about making sure our partners are having an amazing time too. Also, let’s not forget that being in tune with our partner’s pleasure is a huge confidence booster, which helps our sense of self-esteem.
What can cause problems in the bedroom? From health issues to stress, there are many reasons why your bedroom game may not be optimal. And that’s totally okay! It’s all about understanding and working through these things.
Are you ready for some good news? You can amp up your sexual stamina and overall bedroom performance naturally! And you’ve come to the right place to find some strategies that can seriously spice things up.
The Most Common Sexual Challenge
Stress and anxiety can really mess with your sex life. It’s not just about being busy or tired, either. There are several things that can go on in your brain that can dampen your desire and energy for intimacy.
For example, when you’re feeling stressed or anxious, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode, which doesn’t exactly set the stage for romance. These feelings can make you doubt yourself or feel less connected with your partner, like a mental roadblock that gets in the way of your sex drive. On that note, let’s look at how stress and anxiety can impact your sex life.
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Ways You Can Overcome Sexual Challenges
If you find that stress and anxiety are dampening your intimate moments, it’s time to take control and bring back the spark. Here are some simple yet effective strategies to overcome these challenges:
Improve Communication
Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings. Creating a supportive environment where you both feel comfortable discussing your worries is essential.
Address Health Conditions
Are you dealing with pain during sex, a low sex drive, vaginal dryness, or problems with erectile dysfunction (ED)? They’re pretty common, but they could be signs that it’s time for a check-up with your doctor. Your sexual health is closely connected to your overall health, particularly your circulatory system. That being said, it’s essential to make sure there aren’t any underlying health issues that could be affecting your overall health, not just your sex life.
Practice Self-Care
Prioritize your mental and physical well-being by engaging in activities that reduce stress, such as yoga, meditation, or a relaxing bath. Remember, a relaxed mind leads to a relaxed body and less stress.
Practice Mindfulness
Incorporate mindfulness into your romantic life by focusing on sensations during intimate moments. This can help reduce anxiety.
Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, the best way to go is to consult a couples therapist or a counselor who specializes in sexual health. They can provide insights, personalized strategies, and support that may be more focused on the underlying issues than a general practitioner.
Experiment and Explore
Trying something new in the bedroom can reignite the passion and push stress away. Experiment with different activities, sexual products, or methods of intimacy that can make sex easier, creative, and more fun.
8 Ways to Improve Sex and Intimacy
It’s important to remember that sexual health isn’t just a physical game. It’s just as much about the closeness you share with your partner. Therefore, talking with your partner about your sexual experiences can help build a stronger emotional connection and lend itself to better sex.
Set a Comfortable Scene
Choose a relaxed setting for the conversation, perhaps during a quiet evening at home or a walk in the park.
Honesty Is Key
Be open about your feelings, desires, and any concerns. Remember, keep this a safe space between you and your partner.
Listen Actively
This is a two-way street. Make sure to listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings attentively.
Use “I” Statements
Start sentences with “I feel” or “I would like” to keep the conversation from becoming accusatory.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Encourage a dialogue by asking questions that require more than a simple yes or no answer.
Respect Boundaries
Everyone has their limits. Respect these and understand that some topics or suggestions may need time.
Keep It Positive
Focus on what you enjoy and what you’re curious about. This isn’t just about problem-solving, it’s also about sharing joys and interests.
Regular Check-Ins
Make this a regular part of your relationship. Regular communication can lead to ongoing improvement and deeper understanding.
Read more: How to Increase Sexual Stamina and Function Naturally
Questions to Ask Your Lover
Here’s a cool idea: why not have a casual, open-minded chat with your partner about what spices up your intimate life? Think of it as a way to deepen your intimacy and explore new horizons. Before you get started, remember this is a judgment-free zone and it’s about getting to know each other better!
Here are some suggestions to get you started:
- What’s a sexual fantasy that really excites you?
- What’s your dream outfit for me to wear on a special evening?
- Do you have any favorite spots that really get you going?
- What’s a sexual position you really enjoy?
- What kind of visuals turn you on?
- Would you be open to the idea of mutual masturbation?
- Is there something new you’re curious to try out with me?
- What’s a move that led to your most amazing orgasm?
- Have you ever thought about getting adventurous in public? Where might that be?
- How do you feel about taking intimate photos or videos?
- What about using food in our foreplay?
- Do you have a favorite sex toy, or is there one you’d like to try?
The Importance of Exercising Regularly for Better Sex
Hitting the gym and other forms of exercise can spice up your bedroom game and your sex life will get a big boost from it too! Here’s the scoop on how breaking a sweat does wonders for your intimate moments (1):
Boosts Your Confidence
When you exercise, you look and feel better. This confidence shines through in the bedroom, which makes you feel more in tune with your body.
Increases Stamina
Regular workouts also mean you can say goodbye to getting out of breath quickly, as it provides you with added stamina. This means longer, more enjoyable, sensual sessions between the sheets!
Enhances Flexibility
Yoga or stretching routines when you work out can make you more flexible, which can be pretty handy for spicing things up in the bedroom!
Improves Blood Flow
When you exercise, your arteries get a healthy boost of blood flow all over, including blood flow to the penis or vagina that can enhance sexual pleasure. Better circulation can also reduce the risks of erectile dysfunction (ED) and female sexual arousal disorder (FSIAD).
Reduces Stress
Working out is a fantastic stress-buster. Less stress means you’re more relaxed and ready for some quality time with your partner. This lends itself to having more happy moments in between the sheets.
Improves Symptoms of an Enlarged Prostate
If you or your partner has benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH), which is essentially an enlarged prostate, there’s some exciting news from the fitness world. Men with BPH typically experience low libido and have difficulty maintaining an erection.
However, regular exercise can ease those pesky BPH symptoms and improve urinary and sexual health. Even moderate activities such as brisk walking or swimming can make a noticeable difference (1).
Boosts the Quality of Semen
Are you looking to boost your sperm count for future fatherhood? Hitting the gym could be the answer. Studies have shown that men who exercise regularly tend to have a higher sperm count than those who don’t.
The Best Exercises for Sexual Health
Top fitness experts have an exciting secret: there are three key types of exercises that can seriously boost your sexual stamina in addition to your performance. So, if you’re looking to turn up the heat, let’s explore them:
Aerobic Exercise
This exercise category increases your heart rate and helps with erectile dysfunction. You can try aerobic activities such as swimming and walking. Do you feel like upping the ante? Opt for high-energy options such as jumping rope, running, and skiing. Trust me, your heart (and more) will thank you for it! (3)
Pelvic Floor Exercises
Pelvic floor exercises are like a mini workout for a special set of muscles that are your body’s unsung heroes – they’re the ones that support your bladder and enhance your sexual performance and pleasure by contracting during sexual arousal and orgasm. To give these muscles some love and attention, perform Kegel exercises. Think of them as a ‘squeeze and lift’ routine for your lower body. (3). To engage your pelvic floor muscles, consider incorporating exercises such as these into your routine:
Kegels
They’re like secret little workouts for your pelvic muscles. Just a few minutes a day can ramp up the blood flow down there, which gives you stronger orgasms, better sexual control, and more robust erections of the penis and clitoris (3).
So, how do you do them? Imagine you’re in the middle of urinating and suddenly need to clamp down and pause the flow — that’s exactly the muscle movement you’re aiming for with Kegel exercises. The key is to focus solely on the pelvic muscles (if you feel your stomach or butt getting involved, it’s time to recalibrate).
To do these effectively, contract the muscles for a three-second count, then let them relax for another three seconds. Aim for 10 to 15 of these flex-and-release reps each time. And just like any good fitness routine, consistency is the key. You should aim for at least three of these sessions every day.
Squats
These aren’t just any exercise, they’re a powerhouse movement for your entire body. They tone your abs and legs and also give your pelvic floor muscles a fantastic workout. This means you’re not just building strength and endurance, you’re also enhancing your sexual health.
Flexibility and Strength Training Activities
Flexibility can really enhance your experience, making those adventurous positions a bit easier and way more fun. Here are some cool activities you can try:
Yoga
Yoga isn’t just for meditation and can seriously up your flexibility game. It’s also a great way to relax and get in tune with your body before sex.
Stretching
Spend a few minutes each day stretching out. It’s simple and can be done anywhere – no special equipment is required.
Pilates
Like yoga, Pilates focuses on control and flexibility but has a little more emphasis on strengthening your core, which can come in handy for a variety of sex positions.
Dance Classes
Whether it’s salsa, ballet, or hip-hop, dancing is a fun way to get more limber and confident in your movements both in and outside the bedroom.
Partner Stretching
This is not only effective but also a fun, intimate way to spend time with your partner as a warm-up for sexual play.
Strength Training
Not only does this boost your overall strength, it’s also a game-changer in the bedroom. Think about it – having that extra strength is super helpful for various sex positions. This includes doing bodyweight exercises such as pushups, squats, and pull-ups.
Eating Right
Let’s talk about what’s on your plate. It’s all about nourishing your body with the right stuff. Think whole grains, fish, plenty of fruits, and vegetables. Why not other foods? Well, they won’t do any favors for your sexual health. In fact, they’re linked to a higher risk of erectile dysfunction and female sexual arousal disorder (FSIAD).
This is what the food pyramid should look like for a non-inflammatory, healthy diet for great sex: (2).
- 30-60%: Vegetables
- 10-40%: Fruit
- 10-40%: Beans and legumes
- 10-40%: Nuts, seeds, avocados
- 20% or less: Whole grains and potatoes
- 10% or less: Eggs, oil, fish, dairy, animal products
- Rarely: Commercially-raised meats, sweets, cheese, processed foods
Make sure you’re not missing out on vitamin B12, a key nutrient your body requires. You can find this in delicious options such as beef, trout, salmon, and clams. If you’re not a fan of meat or seafood, you can get your B12 from a vitamin supplement, yogurt, or cereals that are fortified with vitamins (2).
Try New and Exciting Sexual Techniques
When exploring ways to enhance your sexuality, venturing into new experiences with your partner can be a game changer. Because your surroundings can play a significant role in sexual enjoyment, creating a romantic atmosphere that’s charged with passion can make a difference in the way you experience pleasure.
Why not shake things up a bit to keep things from getting boring in the bedroom? Being adventurous and trying exciting new techniques with your partner can be a fun way to keep the spark going. Let’s explore ways to do that (2).
- A new sexual position or activity
- Enjoy new sexual toys and games
- Explore sexual fantasies
- Take showers or baths together
- Perform a striptease for your partner
- Explore roleplay activities
- Consider trying light bondage (BDSM)
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Resolve Relationships Issues
When you’re facing problems in your relationship that go beyond the bedroom, they can unfortunately seep into your sex life too. Relationship tension doesn’t just stay in an argument – it can lead to one of you feeling emotionally checked out. When there’s an emotional disconnect, this often means less satisfaction during intimate moments.
If you and your partner are struggling to communicate, it may be time to bring in a neutral third party. Think of them as a friendly coach who can help guide you both through your differences. Whether or not you seek a therapist, having honest conversations to really understand what’s going wrong and how you can brainstorm together to come up with the best ways to tackle your challenges is essential.
When to Seek out a Sex Therapist
If you’re finding that your usual go-tos such as regular exercise and a balanced diet aren’t boosting your sexual stamina, it may be time to think outside the box. Enter sexual counseling – a game changer for many. This approach isn’t just for those who are feeling stuck, it’s also worth considering if you’re dealing with any of the following:
Medical Conditions
If you’re undergoing treatment for issues such as erectile dysfunction, it’s important to consider how this affects your sex life and your partner. Talking to a sex therapist can help enhance intimacy and provide sexual solutions.
Communication Challenges
Are you struggling to chat openly with your partner about intimate topics? This can impact your sexual satisfaction with each other. A sex therapist can help you connect around intimacy and improve your relationship and sex life.
Self Esteem
Are you feeling the weight of society’s views on things such as weight gain, enlarged vagina from childbirth, small penis size, or the effects of aging? These can play a big role in your sexual confidence, and a sex therapist can help you talk about your insecurities and help you find solutions for many of these types of concerns.
Mental Health Matters
Untreated mental health issues and unresolved trauma shouldn’t be overlooked as they can significantly influence your sexual well-being. It’s important to acknowledge how this may affect your sexual experiences and relationships, and working with a sex therapist can help you find helpful ways to heal and manage these struggles.
Sex therapy can address a broad spectrum of sexually related issues. Here are some examples of topics sex therapists can address:
- Sexual preference concerns
- Sexual identity confusion
- Physical disabilities impacting sexual functioning
- Healthy sexual development in children
- Sexual addictions
- Medications that impact sexual ability
- Aging and sexual performance
- Relationships and intimacy
- Sexual abuse and rape issues
- Low or absent libido
- Chemical addictions and related sexual issues
- Dealing with mental illness and sexuality
- Sex education
- Body image issues
- Sexual incompatibility for couples
- Sexual dysfunction in men and women
- Sexual exercises and enhancers
- Porn addiction
- Extreme fetishes that cause harm to yourself or others
- Sex offender treatment
Things to Look for in a Sex Therapist
When it comes to choosing a sex therapist, think of it as being similar to finding a new favorite coffee shop. You want a spot that feels welcoming, understands your taste, and leaves you feeling satisfied. Below are some considerations for you to keep in mind as you explore your options:
- Qualifications such as licensure, certification, education, and experience.
- An approach to therapy that aligns with your needs and goals.
- The therapist’s availability to you, such as office location, scheduling, and flexibility.
- Fees and insurance coverage.
- The therapist’s communication style and your comfort level with them.
- Positive reviews or references from other clients.
- The therapist’s approach to issues related to diversity, such as race, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, and ability.
- Their training related to issues related to trauma and abuse.
Special Sexual Challenges
Different people, such as older folks, individuals with disabilities, and those dealing with long-term health issues, experience their own unique sexual challenges. Here’s a look at how these factors can influence our sexual experiences and some tips on how to navigate them:
For Older Adults
Communication Is Key
As our bodies change with age, so do our sexual needs and desires. Having open and honest conversations with your partner about these changes is essential.
Explore New Techniques
With age, flexibility and stamina can decrease. Exploring new positions, using sex pillows for support, or even trying out sex toys can make things not only more exciting but easier.
Focusing on Intimacy
Sometimes, it’s not just about the physical act of sex but the intimacy it brings couples. Holding hands, cuddling, and other forms of non-sexual touch can be deeply satisfying.
For Individuals with Disabilities
Personalized Solutions
Understand that each disability is unique, and so are the solutions. Consulting a sex therapist who specializes in sex and disability can provide tailored advice.
Adaptive Tools and Techniques
There are several adaptive tools and techniques that are available to make sex more enjoyable. These can range from modified sex toys to different sex position aids.
Embrace Creativity
Sometimes, conventional ways of having sex may not work well, and that’s okay. Embracing creativity in how you express your sexuality can lead to fulfilling experiences.
For Those with Long-term Health Issues
Understand Your Body’s Changes
Illness can affect libido, energy levels, and physical comfort. Being aware of these changes and adapting to them is essential.
Professional Guidance
Consulting a healthcare provider about how your health condition might impact your sex life can provide helpful strategies.
Prioritize Comfort and Pleasure
Finding what feels good for you is essential, which may differ from what you’re used to. Prioritizing comfort and seeking pleasure in new ways can be beneficial.
Read more: 20 Benefits of Sleeping Naked for the Nudist Enthusiast to Enjoy Better Health, Sex, and More
Embark on Your New Sexual Journey
And there you have it, folks! Stepping up your game in the bedroom isn’t just about the physical – it’s a dance of the mind, body, and spirit. Remember, the key to a spicier, more satisfying sex life lies in understanding and nurturing every aspect of your well-being.
Whether you’re trying a new yoga pose, experimenting with a healthy recipe, or just having a heartfelt chat with your partner, every step is a stride toward a more fulfilling love life.
Keep exploring, stay curious, and most importantly, be kind to yourself. Because when you feel great, everything – including your bedroom performance – just gets better!
DISCLAIMER:
This article is intended for general informational purposes only and does not address individual circumstances. It is not a substitute for professional advice or help and should not be relied on to make decisions of any kind. Any action you take upon the information presented in this article is strictly at your own risk and responsibility!
SOURCES:
- Exercise for Better Sexual Health (2013, webmd.com)
- How men can improve their sexual performance (2020, medicalnewstoday.com)
- The benefits of sexercise and how to practice it (2020, medicalnewstoday.com)
