Imagine a romantic date: you’re sitting across from your partner. You look at your bae, thinking how much you love this person despite the weird choice of style and haircut. The food smells delicious – your fave lasagna makes you drool and you’re about to devour the gigantic piece within minutes.
Then, you freshen your mouth with a sip of an exclusive red wine. Everything seems perfect, except for one thing: your beloved one is spacing out on a phone. You are shown the recent reels of strangers with their pets, or dancing weirdos instead of having conversation with you, asking you about your day, or simply staying present with you.
What would you feel in this situation? Sadness, despair, indifference, or anger? If your emotion is negative then quality time is your love language.
The truth is, this love language is not only primary for building healthy romantic relationships.
We need quality time with our friends, family, co-workers, or acquaintances as it’s the foundation of effective communication and real connection. Today you’re going to dig into the concept of quality time, the love language and why you need to implement it into your new or old relationship.
What is so special about quality time love language? The answer will amaze you.
What is quality time love language?
Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages that Gary Chapman collected in 1992? (8). If yes, then you are aware of the rest of the types of love language. Take 1 minute to review all of them with a short 5 love languages list:
- Quality time.
- Words of Affirmation. Unlike Positive Affirmations for Women and Men, you express your love through words. People who value this type of love language need to hear more compliments, they want to see “I love you, bae”, and “Miss you” messages every day.
- Acts of Service. You do selfless actions to make your partner feel better. Maybe your partner hates doing groceries or wiping the dust. You, as a selfless kind person doing it for them to demonstrate your genuine love.
- Receiving gifts. This love language is not whirling around the more expensive the present the better. No, it’s about how much you know your partner. Gift-giving means you put time and effort into picking up a perfect present your loved one needs or desires.
- Physical touch. This love language is all about physical touches which are crucial for you to sustain a healthy relationship. Ergo, holding hands, cuddling, or kissing makes you feel loved and appreciated.
Quality time love language entails spending fruitful and attentive time together with a person you care about.
Let’s face it, we often struggle to find time for our beloved ones, as we may be too swamped with work or are too focused on social media.
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By the way, being in one place together does not necessarily count as quality time. I have watched so many couples sitting across from each other and leaning their necks to…their phones as if a piece of technology offered more enjoyment than real communication with a real person.
This has more to do with the quantity of time which refers to the amount of time you spend together (2). But does it count? Well, for some people it counts as time spent together.
Quality time is about giving undivided attention and actively listening to the person: reacting to the words a person is saying to you, asking genuine questions, and most importantly, not staring at your phone, tablet, or laptop all the time.
People whose love language is quality time feel unheard and unseen by their partners who prefer the digital world. This ruins the relationships, leading to split-ups (which may not be the worst solution, by the way).
Unfortunately, yearly we’re losing this connection as we prefer spending hours texting or binge-watching reels on social media instead of enjoying a face-to-face conversation. Technology is gradually leading to human detachment.
The 2019 survey showed that more than one-third of adults use technology in their bed every night or almost every night.
43 percent, report that their spouse/partner uses technology in bed every night or almost every night. Hence, 25 percent feel like their partner’s use of technology in bed impairs their sexual relationship (4).
Overall, quality time is crucial for your romantic relationships. It helps you genuinely stay connected with your partner. Luckily, there are simple ways to squeeze in enjoyable interactions and activities into your love routine.
How do you flirt with quality time love language?
Is your partner in need of quality time? You can flirt with quality time love language every day to show your appreciation and respect toward the person you love. Consistency is vital here as when you stop caring about each other, you gradually move to passive aggression, silent treatment, and end up with a breakup.
Uncover these 7 effective ways to incorporate quality time into your relationship:
- Look at the eyes of your partner.
- Be genuinely interested in what they’re saying and feeling.
- Take turns planning dates.
- Set aside some time to put your phones and other distractions away.
- Try people-watching for fun.
- Have a daily ritual.
- Get outside.
- Play board games or take up a hobby together.
- Touch each other.
Look at the eyes of your partner
When your partner tells you something or the other way around, maintaining eye contact is important. It tells your partner you have your full attention, which makes them feel loved and understood. Eye contact shows that you’re interested in what is being said (1) and is important when engaged in active listening (3) .
Picture a situation when your partner shares some juicy news with you. Your bae seems shocked, amazed, or agitated. They crave your attention but instead, end up with a blank stare into the wall from your side. Their Lack Of Motivation to continue talking with you is fully justified because your partner doesn’t feel your presence in a conversation. Hence, eye contact plays a big part here.
Be interested in what they’re saying and feeling
Active listening is not easy for everyone, as you can have your nagging thoughts and opinions. But this is the foundation of quality time love because it demonstrates how much you value someone’s emotions and feelings. Active listening involves paying attention not only to verbal communication but also non-verbal communication such as body language, tone-of-voice etc.
The next time, instead of chiming in with unsolicited advice or your personal story after your partner finished talking, ask your companion thoughtful questions and try putting yourself in their shoes. Also, think about how you might feel in the same situation.
Take turns planning dates
Taking time to plan a date night with your sweetie is amazing but the problem starts when one person does all the “heavy lifting”. When you plan the date, pick out the place your partner would genuinely enjoy, not only you. Plus, let your companion grab the wheel and offer a new date idea. One good dating tip for you is to try out a new hobby together – something you both haven’t done before. This is going to amp up all the pleasure.
Put your phones and other distractions away
Here, people often use one of the Forms Of Self-Care. No wonder, you must escape from the digital world to fully embrace your well-being. It is also vital to quality time love pleasers. Cell phones and other distractions, like laptops, computers, or TVs spoil your quality time with a loving partner.
Constant notifications and text messages trigger your instinct to grab a phone and give it to temptation. But don’t fall into that trap anymore – set aside some time in your day to put your phone on mute, turn off your TV or laptop, and give your full attention to a partner.
Try people-watching for fun
You can do people-watching with your partner anywhere: in the park, a cafe, or at the movies before the premiere starts. Sharing your ideas on what the people surrounding you could be up to is a fun way to scramble your imagination.
Have a daily ritual
Include one short activity in your daily routine. It can be anything: having a cup of coffee in the morning together for 10 minutes, going for a run after 5 PM, listening to a few songs during lunch, or dancing before going to bed. This is your magic “pill” to sustain passion, connection, and compatibility.
And no, here I’m not talking about restaurants or nightclubs. Getting outside at this point means spending time in nature. If you’re a big city person you could stroll to a park, or drive to the outskirts where there’s a deeper wilderness. Try out hiking, go on a picnic, or simply walk together around your neighborhood. Walk-and-talk activity can strengthen social connections (6). While you’re walking, your thought exchange flows more easily and naturally.
Play something together
There are a bunch of games for couples, both online and offline. Whether it’s a table interactive game, a romantic intimate game for upgrading sex vibes, or a video game, the main point here is to spark up your time with something engaging. The main rule here is not to be condescending toward each other. It kills the buzz instantly.
Ramp the game night up to a sexier level, by numbering Jenga pieces and creating sexy corresponding prompts. Every time your partner pulls a brick, they lose a piece of clothing.
Is quality time the hardest love language?
The quality time love language is not the hardest one, but it may be tricky. Here’s why: You need to know your partner well in order to share this type of love language. Without enough knowledge, you’ll simply have no clue how your bae desires to spend time.
Simultaneously, it’s one of the best love languages, as once the relationship starts you have the motivation to learn as much as possible about each other. It’s a natural process.
Besides, there was a special survey in 2023 in the United States. 2000 Americans were expressing their opinion on each type of love language. And you know what? The results will bewilder you:
- Quality time is America’s favorite love language while gift-giving is the hardest one (7).
It’s no surprise though that picking presents for people you love or admire is no easy feat. First of all, you have to know for sure what exactly your partner’s love language is. You trek to the store and get perplexed by the choice of colors, shapes, or other characteristics.
Finally, you choose the gift, surprise your loved one with it, and have no clue whether your partner genuinely digs it or just puts on a happy mask so as not to hurt your feelings.
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Is quality time the dominant love language?
It’s hard to identify one dominant love language as different people prioritize different things. While one person prefers watching a movie together with a partner, another one desires to hear more compliments or get presents more often.
Nonetheless, quality time has the right to be called a dominant love language.
As you’ve seen in the previous survey Americans found quality time love language their favorite choice.
What is an example of quality time love languages?
You can’t deny that quality time love language is a queen among the other 5 love languages. It may be no problem for you to implement all of them into your routine but let’s dig out more quality time examples that you might not have thought of.
- Do a DIY project together. A Do-it-yourself project can mean everything, beginning from renovating your bathroom to repainting your bedroom in a bolder color. A mutually fruitful activity can bond you and your partner. Plus, a lot of laughs are guaranteed. Please remember not to condescend or criticize each other. Instead, absorb creative ideas and play with them.
- Do grocery shopping together. It might be a dreadful activity for some individuals, but let’s turn this situation into something more frisky. Plan a date night with your partner. Instead of going out, plan a menu for dinner at home. Then, head to the store before cooking together and sharing a bottle of wine. What could be more romantic and exciting?
- Prepare a new meal together. So, you came from the store, ravenous for food and now you’re ready to fish out all the groceries to manipulate with the new dish. The best way to do it is to divide the instructions. She peels off potatoes and you’re rinsing the veggies. She prepares a salad and you’re frying potatoes. You could prepare something much more challenging, like pizza or a juicy stew. No matter what it’s going to be, you will enjoy the process. A good tip here would be to turn on relaxing music and dance while cooking.
The following quality time love language examples perfectly fit both “newborn” couples, married spouses, or even friends.
How do you give quality time in a long-distance relationship?
It may sound funny but quality time love language long distance cannot exist without technology. Why is it funny, you may ask? Well, you have just read about putting away phones and other digital distractions for your quality time.
Unfortunately, you can’t deal without another face time if thousands of miles tear your couple apart.
Maintaining long-distance relationships is a challenge for many of us but don’t rush to say farewells to your partner just yet. There are many options to spend quality time even via a typical video call.
Check out 5 top ideas to keep up with your quality time love language on long-distance:
- Cook something together. Your face time should not be loaded with “Hey, how are you?”, “Cool and you” comments. Besides, watching how your partner prepares a meal even through a video may be quite a seductive treat.
- Go for a walk together. Create a schedule when you both go out (make sure the weather won’t kill the buzz for one of you). Put on earphones, call each other, and chat while walking in the park or any other place.
- Watch a movie. Who said that sharing movie comments via video calls is impossible? Call your bae on your phone and turn on the movie on your laptop or computer simultaneously.
- Plan to read a book together and have a conversation about the book via face-time.
- Send each other texts, funny comments, jokes, or love messages daily.
- Exchange sex messages and spice up your routine with cybersex. Embrace your frisky imagination and let it do the work.
Read more: What is My Love Language?
How to show quality time love language?
Show your quality time love language by being not only physically but emotionally with your partner. It means sharing mutual activities, listening carefully, and asking thoughtful questions.
How to know if your love language is quality time?
There are two ways to do it. The first way is simple – take an online quiz that helps you identify your love language. As for the second way, think about what you prioritize as a means of affection in the relationship – amazing presents, attention from your partner, compliments and kind words, cuddles and kisses, or when your bae does an unpleasant chore for you. You may realize that you have more than one love language – for e.g. you may want physical touch and quality time.
What love language is compatible with quality time?
All the love languages can be paired together. Spending quality time together can involve sharing presents, enjoying cuddles, exchanging pleasant words, or doing something for your partner.
The Bottom Line
What is so special about quality time love language? The answer will amaze you.
In this article, I’ve shown you all the benefits and importance of quality time love language. Quality time means sharing mutual activities, creating positive moments, listening attentively, and reacting with thoughtful questions.
Quality time involves no distractions and the state of full presence at the current moment. There are many ways to incorporate this love language into your life: Look at the eyes of your partner when having a conversation, be genuinely interested in what they’re saying and feeling, take turns planning dates, put your phones and other distractions away, try people-watching for fun, have a daily ritual, get outside, play something together, touch each other.
Quality time has the right to be called a dominant love language but not the hardest one. Besides all this, a survey shows that people prefer quality time as it connects couples and fosters intellectual, emotional, and physical intimacy.
This article is intended for general informational purposes only and does not address individual circumstances. It is not a substitute for professional advice or help and should not be relied on to make decisions of any kind. Any action you take upon the information presented in this article is strictly at your own risk and responsibility!
- Eye contact: An introduction to its role in communication (2012, msu.edu)
- From Time to Quality Time: Making Every Moment Count (usu.edu)
- I love the way you love me: Responding to partner’s love language preferences boosts satisfaction in romantic heterosexual couples (2022, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)
- New Study Shows Impact of Technology on Relationships (2019, usu.edu)
- Oxytocin: The love hormone (2023, harvard.edu)
- The Beauty of a ‘Walk and Talk’ (2023, nytimes.com)
- The most popular love language in each U.S. state (2023, preply.com)
- The Sixth Love Language Does Not Exist (2022, nytimes.com)